The most awesome rage comic ever?

I just got tweeted about this extraordinary rage comic by an 86-year old.

Hope you’re not text-phobic. Continue reading

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My employment advertisement dictionary

What companies think we think they mean is not the same as what we think they think we mean.

Vibrant: Everyone is a mindlessly grinning idiot and will drive you insane to keep a smile on your face. Avoid.

Dynamic/Exciting/Fast-paced/Multi-tasking: You will have a stress-induced ulcer within a month (and a mental breakdown within two) because this company has insufficient staff to keep up with the work. Avoid.

Great Customer Service Skills: You will be shit on from without as well as within. Avoid.

A commitment to the principles of the Treaty of Waitangi: Politically correct bullshit. Ignore.

Casual position: Kiss any hopes of stability in your life goodbye. Better still, avoid.

Barista: A fancy title for working one of those fancy coffee machines. You have no chance at all.

Experience: You will never, ever have enough to even be considered. No, your university or any other school work doesn’t count. Forget it.

Tele-anything: Hell with headsets connecting you to barely sentient primates expecting you to be telepathic. Avoid and nuke from orbit to be on the safe side.

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The Price of Milk

Our Friend, The Admin

Our Friend, The Admin

Spent most of my free cash at the pub last Friday – my monthly ritual now. Go to the pub when I get paid, spend and drink more than is good for me. Whatever. I still have $100 waiting in the wings for The Trip. Might even break into it and see about getting that tent I’ve been looking at. (Camping trips in Otaki Forks perhaps?)

Saturday I ended up paying eight bucks in fines for overdue books, but that’s what I get for a) being a week late and b) getting out more books than I could read in that time. Then I went over to Coastlands and lunched on a hot beef vindaloo.

Wrong decision.

The last twenty-four hours have been one of tight, crook guts, and it wasn’t until I took a walk and ended up buying some plain milk and drinking it. I never do that. If I buy a milk drink, it’s either a milkshake or chocolate. Oh – and some mixed lollies. Which made me feel worse, all that sugar on an acid stomach.

I'm not sure if it was these things or the milk that did the trick, but just in case.

Felt better enough to run my SL Guy Fawkes bash afterwards – I threw out the half-assed playlist of poppy crapola and instead mixed up some Strauss, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven and Ultra-Lounge with a little Comet Quintet and Tyler Walker for garnish. Then I played it, launching DeCuir fireworks, for two hours. Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.

Someone said I’d bettered another celebration in Steelhead or Steeltopia, I can’t remember which. I was naturally modest.

At the same time I know I’ve blown a wad of cash I could have put towards The Trip. I’ve already delayed it to February. Partly that’s to avoid the worst of holiday traffic, partly to give me more time to amass some cash for accommodation and food along the way. (The current estimate for camping alone comes to about $300 bucks!)

That’s depressing. But it also means I can ask questions about whether it’s a good idea to go here as opposed to there. I may even rethink the entire route. Currently I wander northwards, then fall back south again; perhaps instead I should instead just travel north… but slower.

I need to research this more. Keep the flame burning without burning out completely.

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A couple of side orders: Slack and SL

I’m messing with a pair of impulse sites that seemed like a good idea at the time. Both are not safe for work.

Second LOLs is a collection of what I consider tasteful and well-designed ‘memes’ off the Cheezburger Network (and homemade) involving references to or things in Second Life. It’s not just ‘Angry SL Rabbit’ (oh, she’s there) but also demotivationals and just plain fails.

alt.binaries.slack.reruns is a Tumblr modelled pretty much on grottu’s in that it’s entirely a cavalcade of pictures collected from alt.binaries.slack from 2003 to 2010. It updates four times a day.

To repeat: Both are NSFW. Second LOLs contains coarse language, and a.b.s.reruns definitely contains images of nudity and violence. (Hey, I didn’t choose the pics, I just post them.)

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In Praise of Crap Technology

Thomas Hayden has an interesting article entitled Ixnay on the iPod, where he sings the praises of cheap-and-cheerful off-brand tech, such as his music player:

My portable audio technology needs are simple. A few hundred well-chosen—by me, dammit—songs and a half-dozen episodes of the WTF podcast and I’m good to go. My trusty Coby does all that, with an FM radio tuner included. (I do wish it had AM too—the crap technology of the air—but why gripe?) Most important, it’s worth next to nothing so I’m virtually assured never to lose it—unlike apparently every iPhone prototype ever—and I don’t cringe at all when my toddler flings it across the room. And because the next Coby is sure to be just as mediocre, I’ll never need to upgrade—I’ve stepped off the escalators of feature creep and planned obsolescence, and all the expense and toxic e-waste that come with them. Crap technology, it turns out, is green technology.

Admittedly my experiences were with a less well-designed gadget that ran off one AAA battery, had far worse battery life once the music was cranked up to audible levels, but doubled as a dictation machine, FM radio, flash drive and SD-card slot – nowadays it works in the last two functions.

And there were the $30 in-ear buds that had a connection break within a fortnight. As opposed to my iPod Nano which is still trucking on with good sound and the original earbuds it came with.

The article basically praises the mindset of “good enough”: Do you need the brand name, top-dollar version, or will the low end do?

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Raving Rabbit

Precipitate Flood

I’ve been looting dancy-pants sorts of free albums from bandcamp.com, especially rave. ‘Techno’ and ‘dance’ seem to drift-net all sorts of other genres, including the dreaded hip-hop.

Also I picked up by sheer accident a load of MLP:FIM-themed tracks. It’s actually interesting that a children’s cartoon has not only managed to generate an adult fanbase, but also what almost amounts to its own genre. Bronycore, anyone?

(And I’m gonna keep ‘em – it’ll give me ammo if I ever play Bronytown or Everfree Forest.)

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Discount Mayonnaise

You’re a hideous freak, running through underground caverns, fleeing a giant worm, oh and there’s creatures trying to turn you into sushi if you don’t fall in the yellow goo of death. Welcome to Discount Mayonnaise.

A Discount Mayonnaise game about to end badly on level 12. Click image to play on Newgrounds.

So, how is this game like Tetris?

Continue reading

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Are we really living in the 21st Century?

Because I don’t think we are.

Consider this. Most of our cultural systems are modified versions of millennia-old relics that were most likely invented to ensure survival in a desert while explaining where the jungles went. After all, they were here just a century ago…

I believe the following (as applied to the European Caucasian-based society I live in):

Economically, we are still stuck in the 19th century – at the latest. The markets still assume that the world has infinite supplies of raw materials and and infinite supply of potential consumers with infinite cash reserves – not to mention an infinite capacity to deal with our wastes. In short, the markets still believe that infinite growth is always possible and desirable.

Spiritually, we are still wandering the deserts between Palestine and Egypt (as far as the Islamic, Judaic and Christian sky-god cults are concerned.) Seriously, it seems to me that all of our religious conceits emerged from a stretch of sand running from Egypt to Palestine. Thus our civilisation’s initial morals and ethics were based on the coping with a harsh reality of limited resources, hostile neighbours, and a landscape apparently out to kill you at every turn. And hence the invention of the Garden of Eden and the hyper-judgemental god. Not much room for cultural innovation when you’re fighting for survival every day.

Now of course we live in unimaginable luxury and often more welcoming climes. How long is it going to take before we finally shake those ancient sands off the soles of our souls?

Culturally, we are all 1950 Americans, which may explain why that decade is so revered by conservatives in the USA. Unfortunately, said culture isn’t viable any more.

The romance of that age is understandable. After a devastating war, effectively ended by American Science (in the forms of the Fat Man and Little Boy), it seemed to be an age of unparallelled peace and prosperity. It was an age of suburbs, of Billy and Timmy running with Spot through a world of lawns and white picket fences, where crime was unknown and everything was outlined in the style of Mary Blair. The future was a foregone conclusion of Scientific WONDERS! and MIRACLES! Oh, and condos on the Moon.

Which ignores the threat posed by the Cold War with the USSR, growing nuclear weapons stockpiles, the witchhunts conducted by J. Edgar Hoover and Joseph McCarthy, and increasing levels of neurosis (if the podcast Welcome to Mars is to be believed.)

We cannot go back. The 50s were a transitional time, a time of fragile happiness and pills, of infinite oil and naivete.

Politically, we are probably somewhere in the 19th century as well – what with our underclasses, increasingly insulated and aristocratic ruling classes, and the shrivelling middle classes. (Some think we’re going back in time.)

The United States of America is where the Western world tests the future. And the future, Occupy protests aside, appears to be Inverted Totalitarianism – where Big Business rules, the political parties obey, and everyone else suffers. Not that citizen suffering matters; the standard of human living is harder to qualify and quantify than the disposition of money.

How to do this, I know not. All I can suggest is the seeking of ‘balance’ or ‘equlibrium’ but I have little concrete notion of how to do so.

As such, we are complacently waddling towards the 22nd century, armed with obsolete mental tools – social, economic and spiritual – firm in our complacent delusion that we will overcome all obstacles – and I expect to see, before I finally die, firm evidence that we are, as a race, utterly screwed.

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The Endurance of the would-be Long-Distance Cyclist

I spent most of today on the bike, riding up to Te Horo and back via Waikanae, Pekapeka and the back roads.

The weather report had me expecting to wind up burning to a crisp in violent sunshine, but it’s been overcast most of the day with odd periods of drizzle. So everything seemed deep green and fresh. Or maybe it was just the sheer novelty of doing this, instead of standing in front of the computer again.

Actually, today I got a little further north, up to the ice cream store at the intersection of Addington Road and SH1. In future, I intend having a (liquid) lunch in Otaki proper before retracing my steps.

The reason? This: I am going to do a tiki tour of the Wairarapa by bike this summer. I’m aiming at January, but it might be February depending on accommodation costs and what events are on at the time. (I’m also intending to write a book on it.)

Now, this trip is mostly on the flat, and my proposed route involves heading into the hills on the eastern side of the ‘Rapa – especially from Martinborough to Gladstone and over to Castlepoint. But I’m less interested in strength and more in endurance - being able to keep going for up to eight hours a day without too much flagging.

Especially when riding between Masterton and Castlepoint!

Now, I know that I can basically clip along at about 15km/h, tops. That goes down to about 9km/h if I was to half ride, half walk (which I do blatting along at 5km/h.) Keeping that in mind, I get an average speed of 13km/h or so. Being optimistic. Which is important, since that means that I could – in theory – bike from Masterton to Castlepoint in seven hours. Still a long day with climbs in.

Anyway, first I get a replacement rear wheel – too many spokes are breaking – and then we’ll see what happens on the weekend about lunching in Otaki.

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No Just No: The Film of the Advertisement

I saw this while checking which teams were playing tonight and when:

18:30Family Movie: Paddle Pop BeginsPaddle Pop Begins follows the journey that Paddle Pop Lion has taken to become the hero that he is today – A lion who fights for what is right! It is a journey about discovery, friendship, teamwork, risk-taking and pulling together when times are tough to overcome challenges together. (2011)

Paddle Pop Lion only fights to ensure children eat Streets’ ice creams – in particular, the Popsicle-style ice lollies called… wait for it… Paddle Pops. That is all.

Someone had to float the idea of a movie based on this shill. And someone else had to give it the green light. And plenty of someone elses had to animate, voice, soundtrack and package this – this – travesty.

From Know Your Meme

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Rebuilding the grove

The way things are going it’s likely that I’ll be getting a full-time RL job [EDIT: less likely], which means two things:

  1. A lot of my current gigs will have to go. 8pm SLT is 4pm NZT right now, and I can’t DJ in SL and work at the same time.
  2. So, I’ll be doing more jobs at my place, in the wee hours of the SL morning, and maybe SL Friday and SL Saturday – again subject to RL pressures and tramping trips.

With all that in mind, we come to my little grove in Caledon Tanglewood. It needs a complete rebuild.

The grove as at the time of writing, as seen from near the TP point

Continue reading

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Just look at these cute little snakes.

Just look at them. (via T@peworm Diet)

 

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Average speed

Today I learned that I can cycle from the river end of Weggery Drive, Waikanae, to Peka Peka, in half an hour or so. That’s a distance of about 7.7km, so that’s roughly 15km/hour, in good weather, on reasonably flat roads.

I’ve also worked out that all things being equal, I can walk from home to the library – a distance of 2.5km, in half an hour. So, assuming that I bike for half an hour and walk for the other half, that’s nearly 13km/hour.

Why this is of interest is because of a dream I have. It involves a lot of cycling, over a two-week period. However it’s all very up in the air right now, still in the planning and wishful thinking stages.

Oh – Mum somehow managed to assemble the mixer back to front. Took Dad and me an hour to figure out how to disassemble it.

I’m currently reading my way through a pair of really good fanfics: Harry Potter and the Nightmare of Futures Past and The Consequences of Not Being Polite, a Battlestar Galactica fanfic I had trouble finding. For some reason I thought it was a Halo crossover.

Nightmare is a time-travelling Harry who’s well done: thirty-year-old Harry having beaten Voldemort, but losing everything and everyone in the process, in the body of his eleven-year-old self. There’s some good recharacterisation and considering of paradox in this fic. I hope it gets finished.

Consequences is still steaming along apparently, and has the BSG crew, as well as the humaniform Cylons, stumbling into a battlezone involving us Terrans – who are miles ahead technologically – fighting sentient velociraptors that would give Randall Munroe nightmares. Should be interesting to see who gets eaten first.

I need to blog more. However, as usual I find it hard to get enthused enough about things I find on the intertubes to go to the trouble.

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That’s Nature For You: Feeding your Snapping Turtle

Imagine you’re watching a snapping turtle tearing a live mouse in half.

The mouse’s front half continues to try and swim away, but the turtle is hungry.

Because Nature doesn’t care what you think.

YouTube, however, is as lily-livered as they come.

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Treasure Tower: Race Against the Clock

For about two weeks I tried to find this game with the forgettable title, the corny graphics, and the frantic ragtime MIDI music. I knew it took place in a tower, and treasure was involved, along with a sizable serving of luck.

Naturally I didn’t remember I’d made David Newton’s little work one of my Newgrounds favourites. Continue reading

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Diamond Hollow II: Surprisingly Fun Vertical Platform Shooter

I first met this game as Diamond Hollow, a plotless and simpler version of the game where you collect diamonds, upgrade your guns, fight bosses and escape the professor’s lair.

Continue reading

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Happy Feet: The Arrival of the Unshaven Truth

I can’t remember, but I think the poor sod washed up somewhere between Te Horo and Otaki. Or was it Pekapeka?

 

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Angry SL Rabbit: Why Are You Even Here

Listening stats are never reliable, but this is depressingly common. A club full of people and only a handful appear to be listening to the music.

Which means two things: 1) the stats are wrong, or 2) most folks don’t care for your music.

Well, fuck you and the prairie squid you rode in on if 2) is the case! I bust my hump trying to cue up cool beats that segue smoothly into each other, keep track of what’s going on in the club in the face of a blizzard of group-chats, fend off interfering but well-meaning if uncomprehending Real Life demands, seek out and download requests I don’t have while you wait… and for what?

Some days I think I should start demanding performance fees in addition to tips.

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Angry SL Rabbit Hates Gesturbators

Nobody likes someone who either communicates entirely in gestures and LOLs, or keeps playing the same gesture over and over again… and again… and a-fucking-gain.

WinAmp is a free media player that plays streaming music, so just ask for the stream URL,  wander off to someplace where you won’t be disturbed, load the URL in WinAmp, and ‘gesturbate’ to your shallow heart’s malcontent, while we enjoy the music without your godawful racket.

 

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The Fracture Audition

Today I finally made it to Fracture in time for my audition set. I mostly played 60s psychedelia, which hear:

Listen to The Fracture Audition on 8tracks.com

It was very well received, and I now have a regular spot there Tuesdays 8-9pm Fridays 6-7pm SLT.

Update: I showed up for my second set and… it appears that it was a once-er. That pisses me off enormously, since I was offered the slot on Friday assuming it was in addition to my current slot! I shall have to consider carefully whether to continue with this mob.

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