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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

I Hate Video Walkthroughs

I would like to say a few words on video walkthroughs for Flash Games.

Censored, then: Stupid Idea.

I am well aware that the majority of the witless horde out there are too cretinous and illiterate to actually read let alone have the capacity to think without soiling themselves from the strain. They want someone to show them how to complete the puzzle, or better still walk them through the entire thing so they can preen about their diminished achievement.

So much for the supporters of video walkthroughs. Why the vitriol?

Streaming video is too slow

There is nothing worse than clicking “walkthrough” and having to wait for some wunderkind’sprecious video to first load the player, then precache the first three seconds, then fetch the next one second, and the next, and the next… assuming the server doesn’t cack itself. In short: That five minute vidcap takes far longer to run than you think.

I just want to know about this, I’ve already done all that

This then is my beef. At one point close to the end in a point-and-click adventure game, I was stymied, and found myself irritably sitting through almost the entirety of a video before it actually got to the place I was stuck.

With a set of static images, helpful Javascript and some text, I could just jump straight to the problem point and back.

I’m a freak. I read instructions, and understand them.

Which reminds me:

Video walkthroughs destroy the sense of discovery

If you watch one part of the walkthrough, what’s to stop someone watching the whole thing? Part of the fun in a game is the discovering of new things, making the connection. But that’s too haaaard for the modern moron; just do what that guy in the video does. Yay. You’ve won the game… by aping someone else.

When I’m stuck, I want immediate help, not a whirling throbber and grainy YouTube footage. Screw modern technology. Let’s have… what are those things… oh yeah. Web pages.

Leave online video for the cam whores and cute kittens falling off Roombas.

rant games flash games video walkthrough fail

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I Hate Video Walkthroughs: A Rant

(This is actually a repost from 2010, but it’s still relevant.)

I would like to say a few words on video walkthroughs for Flash Games.

Censored, then: Stupid Idea.

I am well aware that the majority of the witless horde out there are too cretinous and illiterate to actually read let alone have the capacity to think without soiling themselves from the strain. They want someone to show them how to complete the puzzle, or better still walk them through the entire thing so they can preen about their diminished achievement.

So much for the supporters of video walkthroughs. Why the vitriol?

Streaming video is too slow

There is nothing worse than clicking “walkthrough” and having to wait for some wunderkind’sprecious video to first load the player, then precache the first three seconds, then fetch the next one second, and the next, and the next… assuming the server doesn’t cack itself. In short: That five minute vidcap takes far longer to run than you think.

I just want to know about this, I’ve already done all that

This then is my beef. At one point close to the end in a point-and-click adventure game, I was stymied, and found myself irritably sitting through almost the entirety of a video before it actually got to the place I was stuck.

With a set of static images, helpful Javascript and some text, I could just jump straight to the problem point and back.

I’m a freak. I read instructions, and understand them.

Which reminds me:

Video walkthroughs destroy the sense of discovery

If you watch one part of the walkthrough, what’s to stop someone watching the whole thing? Part of the fun in a game is the discovering of new things, making the connection. But that’s too haaaard for the modern moron; just do what that guy in the video does. Yay. You’ve won the game… by aping someone else.

When I’m stuck, I want immediate help, not a whirling throbber and grainy YouTube footage. Screw modern technology. Let’s have… what are those things… oh yeah. Web pages.

Leave online video for the cam whores and cute kittens falling off Roombas.

rant games walkthrough
armorgames.com

Sushi Cat 2 | Armor Games

The long-awaited sequel to one of my favourite games!

The game is a physics/pachinko/bagatelle one: you drop a squishy blue cat into the obstacles, trying to eat enough sushi to reach the next level. As you nom away, your cat grows bigger, making it difficult but amusingly cute to ooze through some spaces. Special pieces give you temporary powerups. And in Sushi Cat 2, there are golden sushi to unlock bonus costumes.

The powerups here are not as annoying as some of the ones in the previous games, and I found myself enjoying it immensely. Go ahead.

After all, you’ve gotta love a cat whose answer to problems is “eat more sushi”!

games flash games bagatelle pachinko sushi cat

My Brain is Thinking!

(A rather elderly rant from the times of alt.slack. It’s extraordinary how I channeled my inner schizophrenic. Preface by ICEKNIFE.)

FLASH 1: SubNectivity channel alpha 3

To: All Ispace Units

The following 3space unit has developed a neural net feedack mechanism allowing it to perceive the processes which produce the false “consciousness” that these units require belief in. Perception of the projection process will lead inevitably to recognition that it has no such thing as consciousness.

This could develop into an externalized feedack loop involving other units. In order to prevent this, certain neural circuits will have to be modified by extreme signal voltage overload. The ICEKNIFE Unit is instructed to enter the unit’s “brain” and remove those circuits from operation. Method is at the discretion of the operative.

I only just realised now: MY BRAIN IS THINKING. And it is thinking THOUGHTS — AT ME — and those thoughts make me DO STUFF AT THE BEHEST OF MY BRAIN!!

And I don’t even know WHERE MY BRAIN IS GETTING THIS SHIT FROM THAT IT THINKS ABOUT, I mean sure, it’s seeing through my eyes, hearing through my ears, but are those ALL it’s OWN THOUGHTS? Or is it getting them from SOMEWHERE ELSE?

THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!

I mean, we all know the CON WANTS TO TELL US WHAT TO THINK, and “Bob” will SELL us what WE REALLY THINK, but are we getting VALUE FOR MONEY?? Did I THINK THIS MYSELF, or did I get it SECONDHAND? And can I get my MONEY BACK?!?

I mean, you know how the CON has all its dupes STEEPING IN THE APPROVED THOUGHTS all around us, and that means WE ARE RIGHT IN IT TOO! You think the TV is JUST an INNOCENT RECEIVER? WRONG. That idiot box is TRANSMITTING DEADLY CONAPPROVED BRAIN REPROGRAMMING VIRUSESESES INTO YOUR CRANIUM! You thought the transporter room in Star Trek was a COST CUTTING measure? SHIT NO, it was a WARNING, that’s not a HEAD COLD you got it’s a HEAD CODE!!

So why hasn’t MY BRAIN succumbed? Same reason YOURS HASN’T. (Or MAYBE IT HAS. Not that you can’t be FIXED.) MY BRAIN IS NOT NORMAL! MY BRAIN IS NOT NORMAL!!

MY BRAIN IS! NOT! NORMAL!!! AND NEITHER AM I!

Something went WRONG with the Con’ EUGENICS PROGRAMME, didn’t it? And they slapped a label on me: AUTISTIC. Because the CON NEEDS LABELS, and by default DUPES need ‘em too. But we know LABELS CONCEAL REALITY, and “Bob” sold me a scraper to SCRAPE ‘em OFF!

I got LABELS up my ASS! One fer the library, one fer drivin’, another fer university, one fer gym, and a’ course the bank! LABELS! LABELS! BABELS!

They call this the “world o’ clocks”, BULLSHIT! It’s a WORLD of FUCKING LABELS, stuck on the WALLS, stuck on the DOORS, STUCK OVER YOUR EYES, STUCK ON YOUR BRAIN!!

The Con DON’T NEED to THINK. They just SHUFFLE LABELS until they find one that FITS. Then They just SLAP THAT SUCKER ON THE SUCKER and FOLLOW THE HANDY ILLUSTRATED INSTRUCTIONS. Brain and brain and brain! WHO NEEDS BRAIN?

Yeah, that’s what the Con’s trying to do: STOP MY BRAIN FROM THINKING BY DUMBING DOWN THE WORLD. Some people DON’T KNOW that a STEAMING FLUID is actually HOT! Is there really someone THAT DUMB that they would SET THEIR APPLE LASERWRITER on FIRE? AND EXPECT it to WORK AFTERWARDS? (Well, probably. Some even believe TV preachers like Benny Hinn.)

You see, if you REDUCE the NEED to THINK, you’ll THINK LESS. Or your brain will. Reduce the need ENOUGH YOU WON’T THINK AT ALL. Congratulations! WELCOME TO DUPEDOM, PINKBOY!

HEY! Maybe my brain is THINKING AS A DEFENCE AGAINST THE CON! Where’s my diploma in THINKOLOGY? More o’ THEM kinda THOUGHTS, “BOB”!

subgenius rant nonsense

My Brain is Thinking!

(A rather elderly rant from the times of alt.slack. It extraordinary how I challened my inner schizophrenic. Preface by ICEKNIFE.)

FLASH 1: SubNectivity channel alpha 3

 To: All Ispace Units

 The following 3space unit has developed a neural net feedack mechanism allowing
 it to perceive the processes which produce the false “consciousness” that these
 units require belief in. Perception of the projection process will lead
 inevitably to recognition that it has no such thing as consciousness.
 This could develop into an externalized feedack loop involving other units. In
 order to prevent this, certain neural circuits will have to be modified by
 extreme signal voltage overload. The ICEKNIFE Unit is instructed to enter the
 unit’s “brain” and remove those circuits from operation. Method is at the
 discretion of the operative.

I only just realised now: MY BRAIN IS THINKING. And it is thinking THOUGHTS — AT ME — and those thoughts make me DO STUFF AT THE BEHEST OF MY BRAIN!!

And I don’t even know WHERE MY BRAIN IS GETTING THIS SHIT FROM THAT IT THINKS ABOUT, I mean sure, it’s seeing through my eyes, hearing through my ears, but are those ALL it’s OWN THOUGHTS? Or is it getting them from SOMEWHERE ELSE?

THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!

I mean, we all know the CON WANTS TO TELL US WHAT TO THINK, and “Bob” will SELL us what WE REALLY THINK, but are we getting VALUE FOR MONEY?? Did I THINK THIS MYSELF, or did I get it SECONDHAND? And can I get my MONEY BACK?!?

I mean, you know how the CON has all its dupes STEEPING IN THE APPROVED THOUGHTS all around us, and that means WE ARE RIGHT IN IT TOO! You think the TV is JUST an INNOCENT RECEIVER? WRONG. That idiot box is TRANSMITTING DEADLY CONAPPROVED BRAIN REPROGRAMMING VIRUSESESES INTO YOUR CRANIUM! You thought the transporter room in Star Trek was a COST CUTTING measure? SHIT NO, it was a WARNING, that’s not a HEAD COLD you got it’s a HEAD CODE!!

So why hasn’t MY BRAIN succumbed? Same reason YOURS HASN’T. (Or MAYBE IT HAS. Not that you can’t be FIXED.) MY BRAIN IS NOT NORMAL! MY BRAIN IS NOT NORMAL!!

MY BRAIN IS! NOT! NORMAL!!! AND NEITHER AM I!

Something went WRONG with the Con’ EUGENICS PROGRAMME, didn’t it? And they slapped a label on me: AUTISTIC. Because the CON NEEDS LABELS, and by default DUPES need ‘em too. But we know LABELS CONCEAL REALITY, and “Bob” sold me a scraper to SCRAPE ‘em OFF!

I got LABELS up my ASS! One fer the library, one fer drivin’, another fer university, one fer gym, and a’ course the bank! LABELS! LABELS! BABELS!

They call this the “world o’ clocks”, BULLSHIT! It’s a WORLD of FUCKING LABELS, stuck on the WALLS, stuck on the DOORS, STUCK OVER YOUR EYES, STUCK ON YOUR BRAIN!!

The Con DON’T NEED to THINK. They just SHUFFLE LABELS until they find one that FITS. Then They just SLAP THAT SUCKER ON THE SUCKER and FOLLOW THE HANDY ILLUSTRATED INSTRUCTIONS. Brain and brain and brain! WHO NEEDS BRAIN?

Yeah, that’s what the Con’s trying to do: STOP MY BRAIN FROM THINKING BY DUMBING DOWN THE WORLD. Some people DON’T KNOW that a STEAMING FLUID is actually HOT! Is there really someone THAT DUMB that they would SET THEIR APPLE LASERWRITER on FIRE? AND EXPECT it to WORK AFTERWARDS? (Well, probably. Some even believe TV preachers like Benny Hinn.)

You see, if you REDUCE the NEED to THINK, you’ll THINK LESS. Or your brain will. Reduce the need ENOUGH YOU WON’T THINK AT ALL. Congratulations! WELCOME TO DUPEDOM, PINKBOY!

HEY! Maybe my brain is THINKING AS A DEFENCE AGAINST THE CON! Where’s my diploma in THINKOLOGY? More o’ THEM kinda THOUGHTS, “BOB”!

rant subgenius alt.slack stupidity
audscratprophetlilith

“Games cost much too much money to focus on a niche market,” she said. “To survive, they need to be such a broadly popular part of entertainment culture that you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn’t play games. Women represent over 50 percent of the population, tend to be in charge of household finances, and are the majority purchasers of games (when factoring in games bought by women as gifts for husbands, children, friends, etc.). To indulge a community that is actively trying to alienate this powerful market segment (not to mention gay men, casual gamers of all types and anyone new to the hobby), is suicidal.

"It’s important to listen to fans about what’s important to them, but it’s equally important to listen to people who are not currently gamers about why they aren’t playing. Hardcore gamers want a product that is made specifically for them and is actively unfriendly to anyone new. They will beg and bully to get this product and then praise and wax nostalgic over any game that lives up to their standards even if the company that made it went bankrupt. They don’t care about keeping companies in business or artists employed. Their only job as fans is to say what pleases them, and it would be foolish to expect them to think beyond that. But to cater to those desires without thinking about how to bring new audiences in and make them comfortable will ultimately result in a stagnant and money-losing industry.

"I could go on and on about this, but I’m just going to consider one example: the word ‘noob.’ If you decide to take up almost any other hobby in the world, you can find beginning classes teaching you how to do it. If you want to knit, you can go to a yarn store and meet fellow knitters who will help you get the basics. If you want to play basketball, you can join a rec center or community league at a beginner level. And generally, the people already involved in those hobbies are thrilled to have someone with whom they can share their passion. But if you want to get started as a gamer, you get told, ‘go home noob,’ because people in this hobby hate newcomers so much they turned the word itself into an insult. How are we supposed to thrive as an industry if we are actively hostile to growing our audience?”

- Jennifer Hepler (source)

I’m not sure how to comment on this truthbomb more than to say “THIS,” because—on top of being the right fucking thing to do—making a more inclusive environment for all kinds of gamers is the only logical growth strategy. Now someone tell every other game company to read this as well.

(via subitoallegra)

My boldface btw.

Maybe part of the problem is that, unlike other hobbies, games involve dominating a virtual world to a level unattainable anywhere else. The newcomer is seen as a threat to the hardcore gamer’s dominance, perhaps?

games culture so very true
armorgames.com

Nice Flash Roguelike: Hack Slash Crawl

I’ve been poking around at the NetHack types of adventure games, where everything is randomised - including you.

NetHack is deep: in your first game, you will die quickly, and come back worrying about how to survive. You will learn, eventually, and move onto higher concerns. You will stop worrying about your score, and start considering questions of optimality, efficiency, and elegance. You will consult tables and guides in search of an edge because everyone knows the best way to have fun in a game is to take 20 until you beat an impossible DC, rather than try to actually succeed at something hard yet possible. You may dive into the very source code, looking to explain that one-in-a-thousand shot you just pulled off. You will probably learn some C, and possibly get into heated debates about the merits of pseudorandom number generators, expected returns, inconsistencies between competing mythologies, and the ethics of exploiting bugs.

Hack Slash Crawl is less complex - it’s a game where you score points (mana pearls) by exploring a randomly generated isometric maze and killing enemies. Just point and click to move, fight, collect, and pick and choose which bits you’ll keep for later and which bits are going to be sold for profit (and high scores.)

There are some problems. For instance, if you have a ring which gives you a healing spell, armor that gives you a healing spell, and a helmet that gives you a healing spell, you’ll find three of your spell slots are filled with healing spells. That’s a bit annoying. Also, the enemies are never identified; there doesn’t appear to be a bestiary telling you what you’re fighting or about to fight.

At the same time, it’s a nice bit of fun, letting you fret over whether or not to simply charge in, or try to draw out the enemies one by one, or maybe sneak around them. Also, in the times I played, the mazes were always logically designed - no dead end corridors, and every monster waits patiently in a room - until you get too close.

If NetHack variants scare you, Hack Slash Crawl is a stripped-down no-frills version that will probably appeal.

games flash NetHack Rogue-like Armor Games
lifeisavideogame
lifeisavideogame.tumblr.com

Life is a Video Game: Philosophy Through Video Games by Cogburn & Silcox
lifeisavideogame

External image


I, Player: The Puzzle of Personal Identity (MMORPGs and Virtual Communities)

1.1 The Problem

Chris and Alayne Edwards owned adjacent plots of land. Alayne liked to work in her garden; Chris performed science experiments in the main room of his house. They got into the habit of paying visits...

bemused-geek-nz

An interesting look into what’s going on when we say that “I did” with reference to virtual world antics. Might be tl;dr as a web page though.

philosophy
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